


Snake oil

by SanderRohde, TheyCallmeRendezvous_GIR (SanderRohde)



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Cute, Fluff, Game Night, Gen, M/M, Mess, No Angst, Snake Oil (game), WIP, might not even finish, sleep deprived, why am i posting this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2020-09-23 03:07:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20333032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SanderRohde/pseuds/SanderRohde, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SanderRohde/pseuds/TheyCallmeRendezvous_GIR
Summary: Just in time for his turn to pick the game in game night, Deceit discovers a present from  Remus. It is not anything that bad. In fact it is a game itself.





	1. First Chapter

**Author's Note:**

> Hi.Totally sleep deprived. Maybe sometime I can post again, but I am in school most of the day, so...

It was Deceit’s turn to choose what to do for game night. It had to be something they all could be good at and something that could be both clever and annoying at the same time. 

So Deceit tried to find a suitable game. He tried not to admit he actually liked any of his fellow sides, but when game night came along, and he was finally involved in having a choice of what it was, well… it had to be special. So… he looked in his game cabinet. Chess, checkers, his magic kit from 4th grade he still secretly uses, and past all of them was a game.   
Tucked under his First Edition of Clue was a game he had never seen before in his life. It looked interesting, though. It seemed like one of those Apples to Apples type card game type things, but the cover was obscured by a note. The note was- It was green with red stripes, and said Dee in messy black ink.   
There was a date in the corner. It was dated Jun 1st, 2016. It had to have been from Remus, but why would Remus put that in there, especially that long ago? Deceit was obviously a bit worried for the game. Was Remus as crazy back then? He could barely remember it. Carefully opening the letter, which seemed to be covered by a thick layer of slime, Deceit read. 

‘Hi Snakey,  
This game has your name on it! Thought you’d like to know!  
Sincerely Dukey.’


	2. Deceit snacks on a Crofters Nutella sandwich.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit reveals his jam collection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story still doesn’t feel complete... If I have time I will finish this.

How nice of him… He carefully picked up the box, checked it for booby traps, shook it, then once he was sure there were no killer bees in the box, or whatever else Remus could get his hands on, carefully opened the packaging. Nothing was wrong with it. Nothing at all. Well, he needed a game, and this seemed cool, so why not?

He quickly wrote a response and folded it into a paper airplane. Remus would like to know that he was acknowledged. Everyone would like that. 

It said, scrawled in his neatest scrawl of handwriting, 

“Thank you, Remus. You really are something. Yours, Deceit.”

He sat down to eat lunch. It was his flavor of Crofters, Deceit’s Peach (with a touch of apple), one that he had created for such an occasion where he was recognized for who he really was. He straightened his hat again before he could touch the Nutella. He would keep that hat on before Princey (urgh, Roman) had another chance to steal it. 

His hands became covered with the remainder of his Peach Apple Nutella masterpiece. Licking it off, he looked back at the game he had brought all the way there. It was in good shape. Then at the rest of his collection of his other jams, which were called Remus Red Mulberry Lemon Chai, Patton Plum Pear, Roman Raspberry Concord, and, of course, Logan’s Berry. He even made one for Xavier, but it tasted weird, so he put it back. 

The game was something he could spend time looking at. And so he did. In fact he spent all of his time looking at the game. Well, he took a break to watch The Joker vs Pennywise again, then Artists vs TMNT.What could he say? He liked watching battle rap content. 

At around 6:00 he felt a sharp tug. Perfect timing. Game night awaits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!!!!


	3. The Summoning of Deceit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas tried to summon Deceit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no see!   
-cocobian6

Thomas’ ‘sweater’ was just like his regular clothes but patterned with an argyle pattern under his bright yellow Steven Universe Star. The argyle was patterned red and green, but still short sleeve. He found himself reaching for Virgil’s old hoodie for remaining sources of warmth. 

The outfits the other sides wore echoed their holiday merch, including Logan and Virgil who begrudgingly put them on. 

They sat at their couch, Thomas pulling at air to get The Others. 

Remus was the first to come out of the shadows. His official Thomas Sanders Dark Side merch was already stained, who knew by what, with a red stain. He immediately greeted the group by making a suggestive smolder towards everyone in the group. 

Thomas hoped to get Deceit the next time he tried summoning, but with his luck that was probably not to be. 

Pulling at the air in front of him again, he summoned a disgruntled side who recovered in a minute or so by smiling his slightly crazed smile, then asking for an eggnog. Thomas didn’t know who this was. The unknown side pushed his hypno-monocle further up his left eye. 

Thomas asked what his name was. 

The ‘new’ side introduces himself as Xavier. Thomas thought it best not to ask anymore as he felt it would be too weird and/or insensitive as he was obviously a dark side, and Virgil was a dark side. 

Thomas tried to summon Deceit again. It didn’t summon Deceit, which was expected at this point, but the figment that was summoned was sipping out of a Starbucks cup and wore a silk oversized shirt with various fonts and sizes of the letter z on it. His undershirt was a plain white Greaser shirt with a name tag that said Sleep on it. Thomas recognized him as the figment fans called Remy. Remy’s eyes rolled a little as he looked above his sunglasses a second, looking for someone who he didn’t end up seeing. He looks pointedly at Thomas. 

Thomas now has purpose to summon someone other than Deceit. Sure, Deceit has the game, but Remy’s request needed to be more immediate, he thought. Remy glared another time at Thomas. Thomas focused his power on summoning Emile. 

Emile was summoned. He was a bit annoyed at being interrupted during his weekly Futurama binge, but he thought hanging with the rest was better in the long run, as it was unhealthy being too closed off. His outfit was a normal outfit for him, but he also wore a Bender sweatshirt. 

Then Thomas was finally able to summon Deceit. In one hand he held a box which Remus immediately recognized and was pulled back from making too much of a Joan/Jon quip there, because boy was he going to, and in the other he held a jam that he was spooning into his mouth. His ‘sweater’ had already gotten stains on it, and his cape was a bedsheet with various Cartoon Network characters on it. He had drawn some Nick characters in the spaces when he had first got the sheet (ahem, 2014), so it just looked crowded, but Emile, spotting the sheet, took the jam in one hand (with Dee’s rushed permission) and high fived the side, sending the projectile of a game towards the coffee table he had bought a week earlier. 

This led to a confused Thomas reading the game box.

”Snake Oil?,” he questioned, “I didn’t think this existed!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I had fun writing this and will have fun writing more further into the new year!


	4. Shenanigans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Game night? Not quite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am still posting tomorrow, but here’s a little snack to hold you over.

Opening the box proved the hardest as it seemed to not want to open. Deceit ended up having to grab the box from Roman and open it the way said game box should open. 

It was innocent enough. The game looked easily learnable, the cards weren’t covered with slime, so they decided to risk playing whatever Deceit had tasked them with playing. 

Deceit had just finished his jam jar off when he noticed that Remus had started eating the glass container. 

Deceit handed out six cards to each player, each sporting random words. He then took a card out of the stack in the box. 

Deceit smiled, whispering something to Remus. Remus then got a jam jar materialized in his hands with a spoon to eat it with. As he was happily munching on the jam, Deceit continued to explain the game structure. Remus now had two jars in front of him. Logan and Roman looked hungry. Deceit looked guiltily at them, then waved his hand and all the main sides (sans Virgil) got their jams, complete with spoons. Remus quickly summoned some of his special sugar cookies for the rest, including Sleep, Picani, and Anxiety, as he was learning from Deceit how to not be as gross. Deceit bit into one, and have a thumbs up. 

“This,” he pointed to the card, “Is who you need to aim the cards at. You combine two random words from your deck and try to pitch it to, well, me as the side of the card, aka the customer, I pick, as I am the first judge.”

Patton looked confused. “Can you say it slower?”

Deceit quickly responded, “For you, Patton, anything.”

“Card-judge-two-pitch”

Patton smiles. 

“Oh, I get it now!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t think this will end anytime soon, so hope you enjoy this continuous mess of a fic...


	5. First round of gameplay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally get to playing the game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new school year to y’all! Hope you enjoy this new chapter! I worked for an hour and eight minutes on this one!

The card that was flipped over had a snake on it who was wearing a tie, captioned Serious Person. 

“Now,” Deceit looked over to Remus and Remus gave a nod of approval, “what would a serious person such as this handsome, totally- not- cartoon-drawn-on-a -card want? Pick two cards and pitch them towards me.”

Deceit waited until everyone had their cards down. 

Xavier pushed his monocle further up his nose. He then proceeds to bite his nails. 

“These cards are certainly not what a Serious person would want,” he said in between bites, “I think I have a bad hand. And you know what happens when I get angry…”

Deceit looks pointedly at him. 

“Would’ve happened anyway,and you should know that, Xavier, as most of us are harmful in the way you are pitching this anyway, just play along. This is the first game night you have ever been invited to, and I added extra Jello to your jam mixture… What’d’ya say  
to a calm evening for once?”

Xavier quickly chose two cards from his deck and then slapped them down on the wood of the coffee table. 

“If nothing else, this will be entertaining.”

Roman always goes first in game night, so he pitched his product. 

“It’s a hose rock! Y’know, for when you are at overnight meetings and you accidentally get a wine stain on your corsage… I’ve done that before; ruined a perfectly good white flower.”

Remus interjected before Deceit could give affirmations that he did find that cool but was still shopping, etc, etc. 

“This here is real scorpion wax!”

He then proceeds to pull that item from nowhere. 

“Speak for yourself,” he bit down on the head of one of the scorpions, “But I think scorpions taste good and are a good source of protein!”

Logan tapped his glasses a few times and responded, “How are you right on this?”

Remus then summoned a deep fryer. 

Logan shook his head, “Should of seen that one coming…” 

He then pulled a vocabulary card from nowhere. 

“...TBH. Is that the right usage?”

Patton whispered with Roman a second, then cheered. 

“Apparently it is! Get it! Get it!”

“Because you’re a dad?” 

“Because I’m a dad!”

Remy went with the coffee pad, “So you don’t have to wait for your coffee. Every second without mine is a mess…” 

Deceit summoned a coffee for himself. Now with terrible bags under his eyes, he drank coffee and the bags lessened. 

“Relatable.”

He slurped noisily at the coffee. 

Emile flipped over his cards.   
“Secret carrot! You can be like ‘what’s up doc’ all the time! Assuming you’re a doctor…”

Deceit smiled. “Good inferring, Emile. You wear a necktie.” 

Next was Logan, “Book carpet. This is entirely illogical, so I should win by default. I suppose I have to pitch this… ok… you know how serious people have to travel everywhere? Well, there are always books on this aerodynamic carpet, so… All I need to say, really.”

Delirious and caffeine ridden, Dee laughed. Everyone paused a second because it sounded like someone other than them would enter the room. 

“You…too!!!!,” he said between laughs and bursts of breath, “you also wear a necktie, dude!”

Roman stared at Logan.

“You, sir, are an enigma.”

Logan and Deceit stared back at him. Deceit decided it was time to corral the players and finish the round. 

“What a-hic- compliment. Now let’s-hic- continue this -hic-game. I think-hic- it was… hmm… Patton’s-hic- turn.”

“Really? Really? That is awesome! You see, my cards are the best there ever was!”

Everyone wanted to know whether he was joking or not. 

“Paintball pencil!,” was his pitch, “I went to paintball once. Tried to go again. Sure it was fun, but indoor paintball especially was very repetitive. If you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen the mall, amirite?”

“Very...creative, Patton. Xavier, Virgil, either of you want to pitch me on something?”

Virgil looked angrily at Deceit. 

“Yes I would. I would like to pitch you at the wall.”

Patton lightly reprimanded Virgil. 

Deceit just laughed. 

“You-hic-would, wouldn’t-hic-you, -hic- Virgil?”

They high fives as if nothing had happened. 

“No seriously,” responded Deceit, after downing several pre filtered water bottles. 

Virgil blushed, then his face shifted to a regretful smile. He whispered in Deceit’s ear. 

“Wow, that is a good one. Mind sharing it with the class?”

Patton has to stifle his giggling as he got all of the little intricate puns of that statement. 

Virgil looked sheepish. 

“Glitter chair. For your worst enemies.”

Remus wanted to respond, but he was too busy eating his cookie tin. 

Deceit smiled. 

“At least you participated. Your full pitch was better. Xavier?”

The orange hypnotism monocled side was happy to oblige. 

“Mind computer. How’s that? Checkmate.”

Patton looked concerned, and then laughed. Xavier’s main outfit was checkered. 

Deceit per tended to look over the stack. 

“The cards I choose are… Mind Computer.”

Roman looked half scared half miffed. 

“You foul demon,” he rambled, “ I curse you to always have wine on your corsages. See how it feels. How’s that, Reptilian of the Opera? (Not my best work, I know, but I didn’t think too hard about that one, I’m ashamed to admit).”

Deceit just smiled. 

“Oh, I forgot Thomas! What are his cards? He seems to be half asleep.”

Virgil took them from the table. 

“Hidden truck? What would a Serious person want with one of those?”

Deceit just smiled his calm, almost unsettling smile. 

“I guess it is final, then. Xavier wins the first round. Want to break for tea?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are encouraged to comment on my fics that you want continued. I have eighteen. The more comments/kudos, the more reception the fic receives, I will write a new chapter of. Right now, I might end up updating Glasses and/or Beetlejuice or AoD if I wanted to update a popular fic, but I am wanting to update more on Passed and this fic more and more. Please leave Kudos or comments if you enjoy, I will get back to you next week, same bat time, same bat channel.


	6. Tea Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is filler. Cute, but filler. The last time I touched this was in March, jeez

The tea break was much needed. 

Logan asked for an earl grey, to go with the tray of Crofters cookies Patton usually prepared on game nights. They had to, of course, be all his, after all. They were Crofters!

Roman asked for a drink too complicated to record here, but settled for chamomile tea, saying “It’s my favorite, and I enjoy drinking it.”

Virgil wanted coffee, but it was too late for coffee, so peppermint tea. Remus really wanted to make a Gorillaz reference ‘cause of this choice, but didn’t because he knew Virgil enough to not want to get on his bad side. 

Patton got a glass of warm milk for himself. It wasn’t tea, but he went for it anyway. Milk went great with cookies, especially Crofters ones, and he wouldn’t let Logan hog the Crofters ones like he always did.

Remus got some kombucha-a strange choice until you realize that it has an interesting mouthfeel, it looks like pee a lot of times, it’s fizzy, it tastes actually pretty darn good, and it has Scoby floating in it. Gross and delicious? Count him in all the way on that. 

Deceit got an unidentifiable type of alcohol-no one could tell exactly what it was except that it seemed to be alcohol, and that’s exactly how he liked it. 

Deceit prepared for the next round. Picking a next card, you could just read a Fath from the other side of it. 

Logan had already eaten all the cookies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weather-Listen to an automated playlist or two

**Author's Note:**

> I dunno what to do with this sorta drabble, but am probably continuing it.


End file.
